On Peas

June 4, 2012

Excerpt from a text discussion with the Nordic Warrior Queen while traveling


Wife: Are you at dinner?

Me: I found a new pub. Durty Nelly’s

Wife: Big surprise there

Me: Did you know Shepherd’s Pie is Irish?

Wife: What’s Shepherd’s Pie? Sounds gross

Me: It’s delicious. Lots of peas, however

Wife: Yuck

Me: Peas, in gravy, are delicious. Peas rolling about on a plate, quickly growing cold and soggy? Not so much

Wife: I see

Wife: Have you been drinking?

Me: Why do you say that, dear?

Wife: You get philosophical when you drink

Me: Well. Maybe one…or two. They have Black and Tans

Wife: I see

Me: So you agree then?

Wife: With what?

Me: Peas

Wife: I agree that peas suck

Me: Even in gravy?

Wife: Yes. All ways

Me: Nope. You are mistaken, lass. Sorry

Wife: Excuse me?

Me: I said I was sorry

Me: But you are still WRONG!

Me: Pea lovers of the world, unite!

Wife: You’re an ass

Me: I’m Mr. Ass, and I’m right. Especially when it comes to peas

Wife: If peas mean so much to you, then all I can say is SEE YA!

Me: You’re quitting me over peas?

Wife: Bye

Me: C’mon, give peas a chance, my dear colleen

Wife: Who’s Colleen???

Me: Colleen means girl, in Irish. The sign on the wall says so

Wife: As I was saying, you’re an ass

Me: Can we talk about peas some more?

Wife: Do I have a choice?

Me: Peas, peas, the magical…vegetable. The more you eat, the more you…are able

Wife: Able to what?

Me: You know. That thing you like so much

Wife: Excuse me?

Me: I think that I shall never see, a food so lovely as a pea

Me: Rolling ‘bout, in gravy brown, peas are great, peas are…profound

Me: Sorry. Could’ve rhymed better

Wife: How many beers did you say you had?

Me: I think I must be Irish. I’m an Irish poet, and I never know’d it

Wife: I’m going to bed. Call when you get back to the hotel

Me: I’m on my way, honey

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