It turns out the Nordic Warrior Queen has a sister. It’s true. All these years I’ve been wondering who that person was at the family gatherings. Anyway, I guess she was getting tired of the frozen north, so my wife told her she could come stay with us for a while. Agreeable fellow that I am, I agreed.
But when we picked her up at the airport, I discovered her concept of “a while” is slightly different than mine. She brought everything she owned. Five suitcases, two crates, four duffel bags, and a green hefty bag filled with warm socks. She has enough thermal underwear, sweaters with kitty logos, and Minnesota Vikings jerseys to clothe a small town of Eskimos.
Oh, and nine cases of Miller Lite. She wasn’t sure if we had that brand here in Arizona, so she was being cautious. And did I tell you she has a cat? Yes, it’s the Arctic Wooly Übercat. She actually brought that fuzzy terror on the airplane, if you can believe it. I knew once it had my scent it would follow me.
So she’s actually moved in here. Her and the Übercat. They setup camp in the guest room. She had to buy a bigger bed to accommodate the cat. I think she might have even changed her address, because my mailbox has been filling up with circulars from Cub Foods and the Bloomington Chapter of the VFW.
And yesterday I overheard her whispering to the Nordic Warrior Queen, “I need to find a job.” I thought to myself that maybe she could get a job as a wild animal trainer, or maybe the big cat curator at the Phoenix Zoo. Maybe she could bring the Übercat with her. I’m terrified of that thing.
This morning, just as a joke, I told her that Arizona doesn’t carry Miller Lite. She started to panic, but then my wife stepped in and assured her I was just kidding. Then she gave me “the look.” You know the one.
I guess I’d better get used to the idea of living with two women. And a cat.