February 15, 2010

And just where in Mexico do they find all this crappy toilet paper? The best two-ply down there is half a micron thick, if you’re lucky, so just be aware you will stick your finger through the paper, even when it’s tripled up. Yuck! And why are the rolls always smashed flat, like the guys down in the loading dock drove a truck over the box? There you are, you’re taking care of business, hauling away on this defective roll of butt wipe, you have six or seven feet worth by now – thunk, thunk, thunk…thunk, thunk…thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk – and the guy five rooms away can hear you because the roll is shaped like a…a…ummm…well, like a flattened roll of toilet paper. Anyway, it’s embarrassing. As if wiping your ass isn’t bad enough already, half the hotel is wondering what the hell you’re doing in there. Oh, and what’s up with the cute little origami shapes the maid makes on the end of the roll, like you’re staying in some fucking five-star hotel (and that’s assuming she remembered to leave you any T.P. to begin with). Take my advice – check another suitcase at the airport, and bring some Northern with you.

P.S. Here’s a handy site I found while researching this article: http://www.howtowipeyourbutt.com/ 

It just goes to show there are people who waste even more time on the Internet than me.

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