Many years ago, the Nordic Warrior Queen and I had the notion to take up a sport. This would have been some time shortly after the second Rocky movie; maybe it was all that sweaty running, punching, and weight lifting that got us motivated to do something extra with these frail machines we call the human body. Despite our being fans of Sylvester Stallone, boxing didn’t seem to be our thing. There was too much pain involved, not to mention …Read the Rest
Tired and poorer from our shopping trip, we proudly laid out our sushi supplies on the counter. And so the trouble began: now that we’d bought all this crap, what were we supposed to do with it? I’d already lied to the Nordic Warrior Queen, assuring her with false bravado that, sure, I could make sushi. No problem. As the shrimp boat captain might say, I was in deep mango. So while she put away the rest of the groceries, …Read the Rest
The Nordic Warrior Queen and I had a problem. One day she complained to me (quite vehemently, I might add) that when we go out to eat, I always get to pick the restaurant. That, and my choice of restaurant is generally predicated on the beer selection at said restaurant. She implied that I might have a priority problem. Of course I denied all this. Ridiculous. However, being a considerate person, I assured her that I’ll do whatever makes her …Read the Rest
It’s been over three weeks, and I still can’t explain it. But ever since those two nights in the hotel, I’ve had a hard time sleeping. I double-check the locks before going to bed. I can’t close my eyes without first shutting the closet door. And if I have to get up in the middle of the night, I can’t help myself: I have to take a giant step when I climb out of bed, just in case there are …Read the Rest
Yesterday was Matt’s birthday. He turned eight years old. We celebrated his day in the usual way, cake but no ice cream, and plenty of gifts. The kid wanted steak for dinner, so I let his Dad pick up the grocery bill for that one. If it’d been on my dime, we would have ordered pizza. What kid wants steak for his birthday dinner, anyway? Matt’s a lucky boy. It wasn’t so long ago he was waving to his Nana …Read the Rest
I was on a flight earlier this week, Phoenix to Dallas, on US Airways. I’m not sure why, but they put me up in First Class. Now, I haven’t flown on this airline for years, and even when I did, I was never frequent enough of a flier that I got to ride First Class. Maybe it’s because nobody wants to go to Dallas right now due to the subarctic temperatures. Or maybe because it was one of those little …Read the Rest
I really wanted to burn it. Seriously, what’s better than tossing a Christmas tree – seven days dry and brittle like a bone – onto a roaring bonfire? That’s right: nothing. That poor thing would have lit up like a six-foot long highway flare: snap, crackle, whoosh, and then gone, just like that. They would have seen the glow from Phoenix. But the Nordic Warrior Queen said no – it’s not safe. I tried to argue. What’s so unsafe about …Read the Rest
I have to admit that I’m embarrassed. For the past few weeks, I’ve been poking fun at the adverse weather currently being endured by my Northern cousins. I’ve taken rude shots at their climate, and made snide comments over the sub-arctic temperatures and snowfalls best measured in feet rather than inches, all while sitting here in my desert sunshine, smug in the knowledge that it couldn’t happen to me. For that, I apologize. That’s because…well….the worm has turned. Yesterday, we …Read the Rest
You should never, ever, go grocery shopping on Christmas Eve morning. Ever. Sadly, I already knew this, but when I woke up this morning with a terrible hankering for a maple long john, I decided to risk it. That, and the Nordic Warrior Queen needed some green onions for the dip. The grocery store parking lot was packed with enough cars to fill West Texas. It took me twenty minutes to find a parking spot, and as I got out of my car, was nearly run down …Read the Rest
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been worried. Christmas is coming, and I still haven’t found the perfect gift for the Nordic Warrior Queen. What do you buy for the woman you’ve spent the last thirty-two years of your life with? So a few days ago I decided it was time to do something different: to take drastic measures, do the unexpected, and get her something she would never think of, nor ever buy for herself. How about a wig? …Read the Rest