Achy All Over

November 16, 2010

Here comes the flu season. The guy on the radio this morning announced that there are twenty-four confirmed flu cases in Tucson, and recommended that everyone get immunized immediately. Wow. Twenty-four whole sick people, out of a population of nearly one million, and I’m supposed to run out and get a shot.

I’m no statistician, but that gives me maybe a .002 percent chance of catching the flu, and that’s assuming it’s 100 percent communicable and that it doesn’t burn itself out before making its way around to me. I have better odds of winning the Powerball.

It used to be that our fine government would only recommend the old or infirm get immunized against the flu. Then a few years ago they started including kids, and as the drug companies ramped up production it became high-risk people like frequent travelers, health-care workers, and circus clowns. Now it’s everybody, no questions asked.

When I was a kid, we earned our flu resistance the old fashioned way: by getting sick. We coughed and sneezed until our heads exploded, exuded long runners of multicolored snot, and endured fevers high enough to cause brain damage.

Kids these days don’t have to deal with any of that crap, they just go get a shot.

You don’t suppose the zeal to immunize everyone now for an illness that is only lethal to those who are already high-risk is due more to profit margins and political lobbying rather than public safety, do you? 

When the Spanish Flu comes around again, we’ll see who remains standing.

There, I’ve said my peace, you rich and powerful drug conglomerates. Now I feel like taking a nap. I think I might be coming down with something.

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