You know I always try to offer a little value to the reading public here at Mr. Ass, which is why I’ve warned you away from such products as Dinty Moore Ham and Potato stew and certain brands of Smack Ramen noodles. But in the interest of being positive, I’d like to give some credit where credit is due.
Let me start by saying I hate vacuum cleaners. Maybe it’s because I hate vacuuming as well, but in my opinion vacuum cleaners are completely stupid. They’re expensive, they break, they’re heavy, and they generally do a piss poor job. On our last go around, we spent nearly nearly five-hundred bucks on one of those fancy European brands, fine German engineering and all that. What a ripoff.
But last weekend, we bought a Hoover Platinum Series Upright. Platinum is good, right, even if it was made in China. It was still three-hundred bucks, but far cheaper than that Euro-crap we bought last time. It even came with one of those handy auxilary canister vacs, the kind you stick in the back of the hall closet and forget about, then throw away in a few years, never used.
Despite this, I’m impressed. I plugged the Hoover in, flipped the switch, and immediately sucked up the throw rug, a stack of newspaper, three shirts, a phonebook, and my wife’s Toy Poodle. This thing sounded like a jet aircraft on takeoff. What power! I had to spend the next ten minutes figuring out how to remove the bag so I could free the dog, but I’m actually looking forward to cleaning the house tomorrow, just so I can use the Hoover again.
But don’t tell her that.