California. Home to the Brady Bunch, Disneyland, and Charles Manson. I like it there.
East of San Diego, just outside of El Cajon, there’s a fifty-foot tall inflatable Ronald McDonald, and even though clowns are creepy, still he’s quite impressive and I’m sure he can eat more hamburgers and terrify more children than I can ever hope to do.
There are great big power-generating windmills out near the Indian reservation past Alpine. They even work, most of the time. I would think that Arizona could solve every one of its economic problems if they had a few thousand of these lined up in the western part of the state.
I’ve been to Northern California and the Napa Valley a few times, and even though I’m not a big wine drinker, still the place is incredible, like heaven on earth, even if there do seem to be a lot of hippie types up there, driving VW Microbuses and growing organic foods.
There’s an incredible aquarium in Monterey my wife and I once went to. There are sharks and sea lions and rays, massive sea bass and tuxedoed penguins, turtles and otters. I wonder sometimes why the big fish don’t eat the little fish. They must be well fed.
There’s Alcatraz Island, which should still be in business as far as I’m concerned. Maybe once Sheriff Joe is put in charge of everything they’ll open it up for business once again.
And don’t forget the Golden Gate Bridge, which I figure some raghead Shiite bastard will probably bomb someday. We should all enjoy the bridge while it’s still there.
Los Angeles is kind of shitty, but some of the areas around it are nice – Dodger Stadium and Venice Beach and Orange County. There’s Hollywood with its movie stars, if you like them. I don’t know any, but I did see Richard Simmons in the airport once.
And of course, there’s the Pacific Ocean. Wow. Someday I want to live on the beach, even if it’s in a tent or an RV. The trick is convincing my wife.
You can see I don’t know California very well, but you have to admit it’s a nice place. There’s lots more to see. You should go there, at least once or twice. Just be careful of the earthquakes.