You’d better be careful. Soon after the arrival of Droid II, I grew bored with the phone’s standard ringtones and downloaded a few soundboards, including Achmed the Dead Terrorist, Austin Powers, and Godzilla. But my favorite of all is the one with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Soon my phone was spouting out “Hasta la Vista,” and “Chill out, Dickwad,” along with my favorite, “I’ll be back,” usually while I was in line at the grocery checkout or in a business meeting for which I’d forgotten to mute my phone. For my wife’s phone calls, I reserved my favorite line from True Lies, when he calls the evil but exceedingly hot Asian chick a “psychopathic bitch.”
So on my last day of Minnesota vacation, I was wasting time at Barnes and Noble, drinking coffee at the Starbucks Cafe and waiting for Nick to call so we could meet for the goodbye beer. Three uptight-looking women from a Lutheran church group came in, sat down next to me, and started organizing their next fundraiser or youth rally or some shit. They were very loud, yapping about attendance levels and funding and who was covering which extortion zone, etc., so I cranked up the volume on my Droid. I didn’t want to miss the call.
I was at the counter getting a refill on my coffee when my wife called. From twenty feet away, I heard Arnold Schwarzenegger saying “You psychopathic bitch…you psychopathic bitch…you psychopathic bitch,” over and over again. I ran for my phone, but it was too late; the damage was done. The Lutheran church group, along with most of the store clientele, all stood staring at me in horror. Two of the women were making the sign of the cross. Needless to say, I hastily gathered my belongings and fled.
I called my wife back from the safety of the bar. And while I was waiting for the beer, I changed my ringtone.