Dirty Feet

April 27, 2010

There was a story on the news last night about some guy who runs barefoot. Everywhere. Snow, rocks, sand, water, dirt, he runs through it all. No expensive Nikes for this guy. His feet are like iron. I guess he wrote a book about his experiences, and there are now a number of clubs out there for barefoot runners.

I’ve always wanted to be part of a club. The camaraderie, the sense of belonging to something larger than oneself, the beer after club meetings. The problem is, I have tender feet, and running barefoot seems stupid to me. Shoes were invented for a good reason, why would I throw away perfectly sound technology?

So I came up with a better idea: if people can run barefoot, why can’t people run bare-ass? Why not indeed? And so, the Naked Running Club was born. And even though I’m not much of a runner, I was so excited by my idea I had to try it out immediately. I anxiously waited until dark, got into my birthday suit, and laced up my blue and white-striped Adidas. Once the headlights of a passing car had cleared, I opened the door and started out.

Aaahh, the freedom. The wind across my thighs, the cool night air. There was some slight discomfort with my junk slapping against my legs, and when I ran through the trees I snagged some low hanging branches. Ouch. But this was certainly much better than barefoot running, and I looked forward to announcing my club to friends and family. I was working on the title of my upcoming book on Naked Running when I was suddenly caught in the beam of a patrol car searchlight.

The instant the cop yelled at me to stop, I realized I had forgotten my wallet at home (not that I had a place to put it anyway). I patiently explained to the young officer that I was a member of the Naked Runners Club and was celebrating the inaugural run, but he insisted I get into the car and took me to the station. He was nice enough to let use the phone, but when I called my wife to tell her what had happened, she said I had the wrong number and hung up!

I guess she doesn’t want to be in my club.  

 P.S. If you Google “barefoot running” you will find stores which sell shoes for barefoot running. Shoes, for barefoot running? Maybe I missed should have read the book.

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