Category Archives: Random Thoughts

The Kaylie Chronicles, Part II – Howdy!

The Kaylie Chronicles, Part II – Howdy!

My daughter’s been at the hospital since Saturday morning, busy making a baby. It was a lot of work, and as usual, she tackled the job and got it done right. She was accompanied by some excellent company, including the Nordic Warrior Queen, the Homeless Lady, a plethora of friends and various family, as well as the Catsitter, whom I hold personally responsible for the entire situation in the first place. Sadly, I missed it, and didn’t arrive here until the excitement was …Read the Rest

The Kaylie Chronicles, Part I – Waiting

The Kaylie Chronicles, Part I – Waiting

Baby-making is messy work. I’m not speaking of the conception end of things (although that can get pretty messy as well) but to the actual birth process itself. Wow. There’s something about being on the maternity floor that makes a guy feel…well, guilty. Sitting in the waiting area and listening to those nurses talking about things like cervix softeners, pucker strings, vaginal balloons, and mucus plugs. Yuck. Speaking on behalf of all fathers everywhere, I’m sorry you girls have to deal with all this stuff. …Read the Rest

The Towing, Part III – The Office Chair

The Towing, Part III – The Office Chair

The last time we towed was a few years ago. The Nordic Warrior Queen and I had moved to Arizona some time before, and after renting for a while, finally decided we liked it here enough to stay and bought a new home on the other side of the subdivision. Kirby flew down from Minnesota to help – after all, who do you call but your brother when you need help moving? After several sweaty hours of backbreaking labor, we …Read the Rest

The Towing, Part II – The Big Fatty

The Towing, Part II – The Big Fatty

Life returned to normal for a while and Kirby managed to evade the law (hopefully Officer Anderson isn’t reading this). One day not long after, I was at work relating the story of the light pole and the Ice Cream Truck to my friend Red, whose real name was James Redding. Red sported a long orange-brown beard and a balding head he kept hidden with a dirty baseball cap. He looked like a castoff from ZZ-Top. I mentioned to him that …Read the Rest

The Towing, Part I – Officer Anderson

The Towing, Part I – Officer Anderson

The Nordic Warrior Queen and I had been married just a few short months. We were living in beautiful New Hope, in an apartment overlooking Highway 18. Back then, long before Highway 18 was renamed to Highway 169, Kirby was the proud owner of a baby blue 1965 Dodge Power-Wagon, affectionately known as the Ice Cream truck. Maybe you’ve heard of it. We called it the Ice Cream Truck because it was identical to one my Uncle Boyd once owned. …Read the Rest

Announcement

Sometime last year I wrote a story called The Towing, which recounted much of my experience with crap cars and what I did when they broke down. It was a long story – so much so that the two or three people who read it complained that they’d fallen asleep. I don’t blame them – reading frequently puts me to sleep as well. But much of the story involved my brother, and since I’ve been thinking about him a lot …Read the Rest

Snot

Snot

What’s better than a good booger? You blow your nose and there’s that gratifying little thump, and then you find a green and yellow boulder in the Kleenex and wonder how that thing got into your nose in the first place. When I was in 3rd grade, those were the ones I’d stick to the bottom of the desk during math class. By the end of the school year, I’d have a miniature mountain range of boogers under there, one …Read the Rest

Watching Dynasty

Watching Dynasty

Twenty-six years ago, I was watching Dynasty on one of those cheap hospital TV sets. There was nothing else on. Blake Carrington was putting the wood to young Kristie Jennings, his ex-secretary, while Carrington’s ex-wife was busy plotting his new wife’s murder at the same time his son was banging some guy from school but was really interested in trying out some straight sex with the estranged but crazy wife of Kristie’s ex-husband, who was trying to screw over Carrington’s …Read the Rest

That Damned Chiming

That Damned Chiming

Seatbelt warning chimes. I hate them. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I don’t need to be told by some damned computer to put on my frigging seatbelt. When I was a kid, the world wasn’t so safety conscious. Kids were allowed to roll around in the back seat, occasionally bashing into the window when Mom made a wicked turn,  or smacking their heads on an unexpected stop. But that was okay. That’s how the world worked back then.   It …Read the Rest

The Lint Problem

The Lint Problem

  I’m fairly sure one of those evil drug companies offer some sort of medication for this. And even though I’m against all forms of medication (except for those which are self-prescribed), I admit he might need some medical help. I’m talking about my son. Maybe this is a spillover from his fiancé’s clothes-hanger-organizing obsessive compulsive disorder, or maybe he’s quietly rebelling at the prospect of his mother not doing his laundry; whatever the reason, I’ve come to learn the …Read the Rest

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