For months I told her no, I won’t do it. But she kept at me, relentless like a predator. Just a little bit dear, I promise. It won’t take long. You can do it, it’s really easy, and then we’ll go get a beer afterwards, okay? Please? No way, I said. Go get one of your overpriced salon queers to do it. I’m no hairdresser. But she wore me down. Which is why I found myself one Saturday afternoon wearing rubber gloves, a funny-shaped comb …Read the Rest
We went to the in-laws for dinner the other night. Somehow, that homeless woman found her way there as well. In typical Hanson fashion, we polished off the 12-pack of Hefeweisen purchased specifically for us 30 minutes into it and had to start on the reserves of Corona in the garage. We drank them warm but didn’t care by that point. Dinner was BBQ ribs, potato salad, pasta salad, fruit salad, chicken salad, taco salad, green salad, egg salad, and some sort of …Read the Rest
Chicken on the left, pork on the right. Corn tortillas with green, flour with red. Them’s the rules. The women are already whining that it’s too spicy, and if my sister were here, she’d be criticizing me over the use of canned sauce (it’s only the starting point, sis). Oh, well. At the end of the day, my enchiladas are the best. Bring on the rice, Burris.
It was Good Friday, so what did my wife and I do with our relaxing day off? We went shopping, of course! And judging by the traffic, half of Tucson had the same idea. We left the house at 9A, planning on just a quick trip to look for a futon for the new guest room (the ex-Bird Room…long story) and took the yellow pickup just in case we found something. We stopped at the dry cleaner first, where the nice Chinese ladies in back perform alterations and hemming. I needed …Read the Rest
Here’s another thing about driving: what’s the story on the handicapped placard thingamajiggys you see hanging from everyone’s rearview mirrors these days? It seems they give them out at every Circle-K in the state to any blue-haired retiree that walks in the door. Honestly, the old gal can barely see over the hood, let alone drive, and here we are hanging a big hunk of blue and white plastic four inches away from her nose and obstructing half of her field of vision as …Read the Rest
According to the Centers for Disease Control, over 27 million people suffered “accidents or unintentional injuries” in 2006 (no, I can’t find a more recent statistic) and 120,000 or so died, of falls, poisoning, car accidents, etc. Apparently, us humans are a clumsy lot. The Grim Reaper takes roughly five percent of us every year because of the stupid things we do or the everyday mistakes we make. But to be fair to the species, sometimes shit just happens. Take …Read the Rest
This swimming pool business is still new to me. Having been born and raised in Minnesota, where pools are either indoors, or are solid ice for nine months of the year, how was I supposed to know that some of the chemicals needed for swimming pool maintenance are dangerous? I suppose if I’d Googled “swimming pool chemical safety” I might have seen warnings such as this: “Store the chemicals in a cool, dry, and well-ventilated area away from direct sunlight and …Read the Rest
So, you’re taking a little hike in the desert, maybe thinking to yourself “what’s so tough about the Sonoran desert?” All this rattlesnake hype is for girls, never mind the silly warnings about dehydration and the advice to carry diesel drums of water and a pack of beef jerky and trail mix along just in case you get lost. And you decide to take a shortcut through the desert in order to get a better view of the mountains, or maybe you spot what …Read the Rest