The Breakfast Food Situation

November 9, 2010

I’m all for eating well. You wouldn’t know it by looking at me, but I really do try to eat healthy food. Salads and such. Well, at least I think about it.

The exception to this is breakfast cereal. I don’t eat breakfast very often anyway, so when I have a bowl of cereal, I want it to be something ridiculously bad, not any of that healthy crap like Fruit and Fiber, Shredded Mini-Wheats, or Fiber One, stuff more suitable to a farm animal than a human being.

So once a week, I look forward to a bowl of Froot Loops.

Hey, I said it’s just once a week, didn’t I? And it could be worse: I could have admitted to Lucky Charms or Cocoa Pebbles. Those ones are killers.

But still, I suppose Froot Loops are a bit shy of meeting one’s minimum daily requirements of dietary fiber. And when I eat them I get all shaky in the legs and have to eat again just a few hours later. But you only live once, I say.

My son scoffs at me for my childish taste in breakfast food, and my wife just shakes her head. They buy the good stuff, the healthy crap with twigs and branches, granola bars, even oatmeal, for God’s sake. Good for them, I say. Speaking for myself, if I get any more fiber in my diet, I’ll have to buy a new Sudoku game because I’ll never get off the toilet.   

But it’s a funny thing: why is it that, if they are eating such wonderful breakfast cereal, my Froot Loops are always gone by the weekend? Someone’s eating them, and it’s not me.

It never fails: Saturday morning rolls around. I’ve been looking forward to the Froot Loops all week, I open the closet door, and AHHHHHHHHH! NO FROOT LOOPS!

So then I have to go to Basha’s to replace the Froot Loops I never ate. Worse, you can be sure the Nordic Warrior Queen will have a shopping list all ready for me. Life’s not fair sometimes.

At least when I’m done shopping, I can look forward to a Maple Long-John, or maybe an Apple Fritter.

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